"Buschwhackers"

Recently I have heard some spectacularly misinformed arguments as to why NASCAR should ban Cup drivers from racing in the Nationwide series.

1 “Cup drivers stop young up-and-coming drivers getting rides.”

No, the ride is available for a fee and is open to anyone with the money (and licence requirement) to fill it. Development drivers are charged by the team for the privilege of being development drivers. It is not difficult to become a development NASCAR driver, you just turn up at a team with a large cheque. Most of the youngsters that you see in NNS have their drives paid for by investors. Often it is family money, sometimes corporate; it doesn’t really matter. A regular NNS “Back row Joe” that doesn’t have the money to run at the front, still won’t have the money to run at the front when the Cup drivers are no longer there.

2. “If the Cup drivers were not there, there would be more sponsorship money for the NNS regulars.”

No. There is not a queue of companies waiting for their chance to get their name on a front running NASCAR. Sponsorship simply doesn’t work like that. I have seen a marketing proposal from Roush Fenway Racing that actually uses the fact that Cup drivers run in NNS as one of its selling points. Sponsors go racing for a reason, a return on their investment. They are not going to start throwing money at people they have never heard of just because there is no-one else to sponsor. They will most likely take their money to another sport or event.

3. “The racing will be better without cup drivers”

No. If that was true, you would never watch the Sprint Cup. If you want to know what NASCAR looks like without NASCAR drivers in it, watch ARCA.  That is not to say the racing in ARCA is bad, but is it better than any of the NASCAR series? At its best I think it is the same.

4. “NNS would be more popular without the Cup drivers. NASCAR needs to listen to the fans.”

Possibly. I have seen no polls about the popularity of Cup drivers in NNS. But I do have statistics showing that NNS is already the second most popular motorsport in the USA, so how much more popular will it get? NASCAR have little to gain and at lot to lose by making a massive change like banning Cup drivers. If they made that decision and they were wrong, they would kill the NNS stone dead within 6 months.

 A decision like this will change NNS marketable value and you have to remember it takes a hell of a lot of money to put one of those cars on the grid. All of a sudden you will get sponsors like Monster Energy projecting a higher return for their investment if they just run part time on a Cup car. Smaller sponsors would see the same return for a smaller investment in the Truck Series. It is a tight rope and not one I would expect NASCAR to start chopping around unless they can be completely certain of the outcome.    

I think the truth of the matter is that some people just don’t want Kyle Busch winning everything. That is a fine opinion to hold, but I would never support any system that penalises drivers and teams for being good at their job. Much less suggest that the governing body risk destroying an entire series just to stop one driver from winning.

He turns up at Latemodel races too!

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

NASCAR Qualifying: The New Era

When I heard about the new NASCAR qualifying system a part of me, a part that seems to be getting bigger the older I get, didn't like it.

I don’t like change. I don’t want the powers that be to keep chopping about at my beloved sport. One lap shoot-outs are hard for a driver. To take it away undermines the achievement of the great drivers that came before.

I feel the same about the new Chase for the Cup rules. I didn't like the chase format before and I like the new one even less.

My issue with the new points format in NASCAR stems from the fact that I have a problem with any suggestion that tries to emphasise the importance of a race win.

This is because it suggests that someone knows a racing driver for whom winning races is NOT important enough. I can say with 99% certainty that there is not a single one of those 43 drivers starting on a Sunday afternoon that doesn't want to win that race. Even the guys that know they have to start and park.

In the last race of a season, you might get one guy who is about to win the championship if he just finishes. He still wants to win but he is not taking any chances. Is that who we are trying to save the sport from? One guy who actually makes the other 42 drivers in that one race try harder and take diabolical liberties when overtaking.

When the powers-that-be make rules like this, they miss an important point: - 

In Formula One, when Bernie Ecclecake has a bad day at the office, his drivers put on a bad show, TV ratings go down and he doesn't make quite as many millions of pounds that week as he feels he should. 

However,

If one of those drivers putting on the show has a bad day, that driver could be in a hospital or dead.

I resent promoters telling drivers they are not trying hard enough to win races. I think it is down-right disrespectful. Besides, telling drivers they are not trying hard enough is the crew chief’s job.

Let’s look at the new NASCAR Chase format. If Jimmy Johnson wins the Daytona 500, he can direct quite a lot of investment getting ready for the chase. And if he does this, he will probably win the championship. If there was no chase and Jimmy Johnson won the Daytona 500, he could direct quite a lot of investment into performing well at his weaker tracks (If he has such a thing) and if he did this, then he would probably win the championship.

One driver or one team has been dominating this sport since the Flock brothers played the game. It doesn't happen all the time but it is bound to happen sometime and likewise, sometimes championships go down to the wire like Kulwiki’s in 1992. There was no chase back then and still a handful of drivers that could win the championship at the final round. It is the nature of motorsport I’m afraid. Let’s not penalise drivers and teams for being good at their job.

Back to NASCAR qualifying though, I regret to inform myself that this particular change is good for the sport. It is good for fans and drivers and teams. It gets all the cars out on track so no-one has an advantage in the form of track condition, weather or time of day. It is more track time for the smaller teams that need the exposure. And for the fans, lots of cars are always better than one car. Everyone wins with the new set up.

Except us old people that don’t like change. But, fortunately, nobody listens to us anyway!

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

The Brands Hatch Incident: You Can't Stop Stupid

Where were the pit-lane marshals? Who was manning the tunnel entrance? How did three idiots in a Volkswagen Polo get on to a live race track?

Does any of that matter?

There is not a wall around Beachy Head. These cliffs on the outskirts of Eastbourne are not held accountable for the many fatalities that happen on the rocks below them. It is excepted knowledge that, if you play around with cliffs, you will probably get hurt or die.

There should be no reason to consider the security of the race track to be a problem because only a completely suicidal idiot would ever consider driving their road car on to a live race track.

I know from experience that pit lane security at Brands is pretty good, however if there is a loony hooning around the paddock in his girlfriends Polo, there is only a limited amount that the boys in orange can do. A human being cannot stop a car if the driver does not wish to be stopped.

More could be done. A physical barrier and check-point to stop cars entering the pit area. But is that really necessary? I wonder what this idiot would have done if he couldn't get a car onto the race track. He might have climbed the catch fencing  and run around the circuit. He might have started doing handbrake turns outside the Kentagon. The point is, the person is the problem, not the track. You cannot plan for people like that.

What bothers me is that I suspect the MSV and the MSA and the Police will do nothing to the guy. And I don't think that is their fault, I am simply unsure of what laws he broke. If there had been a crash and he had killed someone, that would be different. But I really don't know if there is a way he can be held accountable for risking the lives of other people, especially the other occupants of that car. If they had been collected by a Fun Cup car arriving at full song down Brabham Straight we would be looking at a totally different news story.

I think he should go to jail. For a long time. But I suspect he will get a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again and next month we can read in the newspaper about how he mowed down a child whilst doing 90 in a 30.

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

MSN advises public on car servicing. Really?

Whist researching a recent blog idea, I fell upon this heinous excuse for a self-help article in MSN Cars:

 http://cars.uk.msn.com/features/10-ways-to-save-money-when-servicing-your-car

Let me start by saying that not having your second-most-expensive-purchase-you-will-ever-make after-your-house serviced by a qualified vehicle technician is stupid. I am not a vet. When my cat gets sick I do not open it up and start looking for the problem. When my cat gets sick I take it to a person that is qualified to fix sick cats.

One does not simply “service” a car. Each car from each manufacturer has a different service schedule with different things that need doing at different times. If you know what these things are and feel you are competent enough to do them then, and in no way do I condone this, have a go.

Most services will include changing the engine oil and the oil filter. Most people think this is all a service ever is. Those people are wrong. Most people think that the MoT test covers everything else. Those people are also wrong. Most people think that the MoT means that their car is safe to drive until its next MoT. These people are so wrong that I cannot think of a suitable humorous metaphor. And to be fair, this is not a situation to be made light of anyway.

After reading the article I simply couldn’t let it go by without adding a few pointers of my own. After introducing itself as “a way to save money without cutting corners”, something rarely possible in the servicing of a motor vehicle, we go to page two for our first tip.

Page 2 of our MSN guide to saving money tells us to just do it ourselves. They inform us that all we need is a good manual and some simple tools. Let’s assume that our car is not one that needs £6000 worth of diagnostic equipment to reset the on-board computer’s service intervals and move straight on to “the basic tools” of a service.

First we will need a trolley jack because the wheel jack that comes with our car, if it indeed has one, will not lift your car high enough to get axle stands underneath it. We will ideally need four axle stands so that we can have the car off the ground and level because manufactures stopped putting oil drain plugs in the centre of sumps back in the 60’s. Our drain plug will probably be off to one side somewhere so best get the car level to make sure all the oil comes out.

Most modern cars come with an under-tray. This will usually need to be removed to access the sump plug. Under-trays can be big and quite inconvenient. Some are held on by clips, some bolts and some are a combination of the two. Most have hit the occasional speed bump in the life of a car and have therefore lost some of their shape. We will find this out when we go to re-attach our under-tray and have difficulty getting the bolt holes to line up.

Now when we get to the drain plug we will probably find that none of the spanners in our “basic” tool kit fit it. If it is Citroen, we might get away with an allen key or a big socket. If it is Peugeot, we will need a special square socket. If it is Fiat we may need a big 19mm allen key. And don’t think we can make a judgement on what tool to buy based on the badge; Thanks to platform sharing, it is quite possible that our car’s engine comes from another manufacturer altogether.

Once the oil is draining, it is time to remove the oil filter. For this, your local car accessory store will sell you an oil filter strap. They are good for canister type oil filters, but not much help on the modern element types with the plastic housing. Plastic filter housings are commonplace now. You will find them fitted to most Peugeots, Bmws, Ford Diesels, Mercedes, Citroens, in fact you are likely to find one in any car built in the last 15 years. Many require their own unique tool to open.

At this point, we could go on to the proverbial minefield that is the fuel filter but, for fear of boring you, I think we will leave it there.

Page three of the article is actually true. Most independents will do a main dealer service with main dealer parts if you require it for the warranty. You will save money on labour this way, but check with the dealer first. Even Porsche offer discounted rates for older cars.

On page 4 we meet the mobile mechanic. Most of these are very good but you must check what you are buying. Many offer just a single basic service. (oil filter, air filter, spark plugs, check tyre pressures.) Whilst this is better than nothing, it is probably different from your service book requirements. It is important that YOU know what your vehicle needs so that, A) You can make sure the mobile mechanic does it and B) He doesn’t charge you for changing an item that didn’t need changing.

Page 5 goes without saying. The schedule is there for a reason. Stick to it. Especially the bit that says “timing belt”.

Page 6 is interesting. I have worked in about 6 independent garages and not one has made “A good chunk of its income” from parts sales. In fact, every single one retailed high quality parts cheaper than any local car accessory store, tyres cheaper than the local tyre fitters and oil cheaper than is available to the public anywhere. Most garages can provide cheaper high quality oils because garages tend to buy oil in bulk. Most garages will be happy to fit parts you supply but don’t expect them to give you a warranty on parts or labour when you do.

Page 7. “The service should not require any unexpected work” No it shouldn’t. But it often does. Most garages will offer a guide price for servicing but don’t be surprised if they pull the rear drums off your Citroen Saxo and find that the brake shoe linings have fallen off and they can’t put the car back together without new ones. Much of the service is checking parts for impending failure; Of course there might be unexpected work.

Page 8. Asking your local mechanic to “Chuck it in for an Mot” after you have already followed MSN’s advice to screw him into the ground on price, is more than cheeky. It is downright rude. I cannot believe any mechanic can afford to give up an hour of a technician’s time for you to have a free MoT. But I suppose if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Page 9 is true, if you need evidence, then most garages will oblige you. Also, if you are up front when you book the car in and tell your mechanic that times are a bit hard, they will use some mechanical discretion and not replace items that will last until the next service. But remember that, by doing so, you are breaking MSN rule 1 page 5 that says “Stick to the service schedule” and your mechanic will probably put a note in your service book saying as much.

Page 10. Audis are rubbish and Skodas are wonderful. I have already written a blog about that here. why-i-hate-audi.

Page 11. This is the best idea in the article. When you buy a new car you want free servicing, fuel, road tax, mats, everything you can get your hands on. Buying new is the best way to get cheap servicing.

 It is a popular misconception that the motor trade pays well. It doesn’t. And the best person to advise you about what your car needs is your mechanic. Not MSN.

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

Sponsorship 101, Racing cars that don't use the product.

Welcome to the first of my blogs that are designed to tell you something useful and not just waffle on about cheese and the price of toilet paper and whatnot.

Today we are going to talk a little about sponsorship.

What would be the point of sponsoring a car that doesn't actually use the kind of car products a sponsor is trying to sell?

Well, first let’s consider the point of sponsoring a car which does use the company’s product;

A good reason for associating with a car that uses the product would be to showcase the performance of the product in a competition environment. This works very well if your primary audience is the other 20 cars on the grid and you can beat them every weekend until they buy your products. (Then you need to not beat them, but that's another story.)

For the thousands driving to and from races in their BMW 330d, or reading Autosport in traffic jams with their Vectra CDTIs this is less important. A race fan or a car enthusiast will have his attention drawn by any exciting looking, well presented race car, regardless of what oil it uses or what air filter it has. In actual fact, most car aficionados know that components used on a race car are not always suitable for their own car.

 In any form of sponsorship, you are looking for the hook, the leverage to send your message.

The message should be that your company can provide high quality products for your high performance car.

A company that supplies turbos sponsoring a turbocharged car is actually taking a huge risk. If the car under performs on race day, so does the associated product in the eyes of all that are watching. A monumental engine failure may leave a casual fan wondering if it could be caused by a high performance turbo.

No such problem with an atmo car. The message remains the same and can be delivered with equal strength regardless of the cars performance over a race weekend.

In short, the important part of any sponsorship program is the delivering of the sponsor’s message, not the winning and definitely not the type of car holding the logo.

This car is not using 100+ wheels.

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

All American Holiday. Part 6: Home

Sunday 6^th April

In the morning it is back on the Super Shuttle for the airport. On the way we pass what looks like a fairground ride. Not a fairground, just a ride. A single but, apparently, awesome ride. One of my fellow airport commuters tells me the tale. The ride consists of a chair that you and your friends sit in, which is then lifted high above the ground. The fun part is when you and your ensemble are hurtled towards the ground at high speed. Great. However, shortly after it was built it had to be closed down because of the cussing. 

“The what?” I ask.

“Cussing. Swearing.”

“Yes I know what it means, how did it close down the ride?”

My fellow traveller, on his way to Boston don’t you know and doesn’t envy my flight to Charlotte, points out of the opposite window.

“Over there is an elementary school. They opened the ride, the kids were in the playground playing, and all they could hear was folks screaming “SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT” as they went round on the ride!”

The idea made me laugh out loud. I said “So it is still closed?”

“No, it’s open but.” -And this could only happen in America- “You have to sign a disclaimer before you get on saying that you promise not to swear and that you forfeit your ride if you do swear.”

“You’re joking right?”

But the bus driver collaborated; “It’s true, look it up! You swear, they stop the ride and make you get off!”

Fantastic.

Sacramento Airport is smaller and less interesting than Charlotte. The TSA were friendly and no-one from homeland security came to make sure I was going home. Maybe I'm not that important after all.

I got a pizza and slept all the way to Charlotte.

Monday 7^th April

Good old NASCAR! The rain in Texas meant that the Sprint Cup race had been postponed until Monday. I would be able to fulfil a lifelong ambition (well maybe not lifelong, but certainly since I knew the café existed) to watch NASCAR racing from the Stock Car Café. I sat down, ordered a burger, and watch Dale Jnr make a complete monkey’s breakfast of the Duck Commander 500. I don’t even want to talk about the manoeuvre but, if any of you want to look it up and then leave me your comment on it, I would certainly like to hear your opinions.

Tuesday 7^th April

Getting my time back during the flight allowed me to arrive back at Heathrow on Tuesday morning. I collect my bags and pull out my Purple Parking ticket. It says “Ring this number and go to bus stop 5”

I find a phone and ring the number. “Hello Mr Hassell, are you at Terminal 1?”

“Yes I am.”

“Then leave through the front door and go to bus stop 5.”

“Ok.”

Sounds easy enough, huh?

I leave through the door and look across the road to the bus stops. In front of me is bus stop 1. To its left, bus stop 2. To the left of that, bus stop 3. Seems straight forward.

I cross the road to bus stop 1 and turn left. I walk past bus stop 2. Bus stop 3. Bus stop 4. The road now turns a corner but I can see the next bus stop so I keep walking. When I arrive, it is bus stop 7. 

By the ripe old age of over 30 I am aware that there are dickheads involved in every aspect of life leaving their mark of stupidity to trip up the ones who try to use logic and common sense to get themselves from the cradle to the grave. 

When I have finished asking a lamp post loudly and with much arm waving, what kind of daft idiot puts bus stop 7 after bus stop 4, I begin retracing my steps to make sure I have missed nothing. I look on the other side of the road. It is no good. Bus stops 5 and 6 are not here.  I walk back to the terminal to get some help.

As I am walking up to the door, I see a sign for bus stop 5. It points in the opposite direction of all the other bus stops. Well, of course it does! Why wouldn’t it? I follow a winding path to a “Courtesy phone”. I assume this is so you can ring someone to check that you are still travelling in the right direction. 

If you find yourself at Heathrow and needing bus stop 5, I am drawing a map and attaching it to this blog to help fellow wanderers on the trail. I got there. Eventually. I never did see bus stop 6 though. 

I think I’ll save that adventure for another race.

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***

All American Holiday. Part 5: The Feature

In the feature I was determined to make something happen. It had been a trying evening but I had a car I could drive and had learnt enough about driving it to put this into effect. By this point I was bringing the throttle back on before I had finished braking. With my line and keeping the thing smooth, I was able to knock chunks out of my lap time and shut the gap down to the #55 car which was running third. Then the top class leaders arrive, so we hear through the ear piece; “88 and 55 the leaders are coming, don’t race them.” That’s fine, but I don’t know where they are. No mirrors, remember? The #55 is high in turn three when we get the call so I stay low and try to make sure that there is a car width between the #55 and myself at all times. Sure enough the gap is filled with three very fast cars. Then they are gone. Is that it? Can I resume my line now? The radio is quiet so I guess I just carry on racing until I am told otherwise. By this time, #55 has got away and I need to catch him up again.

The #55 seems to have a monumental push in it. However, the driver,  a very talented fellow named Don, is able to control the push and let it take him to the perimeter wall and straighten up without ever letting off the gas. To pass him I will have to be off line, which is naturally slower anyway. Passing him clean will be tricky.

I move my entry to turn one up the track a little with gives me a shallower, slower exit through two, but because the distance I travel is shorter, it might be enough to get next to him and then steal his line into three. I don’t need to pass him here, just get three quarters of the way up his door.  After a couple of goes, I’m nearly there and then the leaders are coming again.

The Yellow comes out for a spinner and this closes us back up to the #11 and #12. I pass the #11 high on the backstretch after the restart then the #12 washes up the hill in turn three and get to his inside. Then I am back on the #55 and this time I have the line.

It’s not enough to clear him and then the leaders are on us again. They split us down the middle and I am stuck down the bottom again. Then I accidentally let the #12 back through thinking it is in the lead pack. I was later told it was, but I will need to check the video again to confirm that.

Double bugger. (See the video here)

It was a fantastic race though. One of the best I have had. We meet in the pits for a Dr Pepper and much discussion on the race. I have had a good time, made some good friends and all I want now is to do it all over again.

But first I have to get back to my hotel. I try to pinch Greg’s phone to call a cab, but the gang have decided that one of the drivers can take me home. This would be fine if I knew where home was but, I am not very good with directions in places I live, much less places I don’t. We have a merry jaunt through the California countryside before we eventually find my hotel. I apologise for taking up most of his night with my incompetence but he is a total gentleman about it. One of many great guys I have met this evening that I will miss when I get home.

Click here for part 6

***All the crap you see written here is Kelvin's opinion and not that of his associates, race team or marketing partners.***